BIRTHDAY GIRL CAUGHT IN A WEB OF SCANDAL!

JULY 24, 2006--Today is Jennifer Leigh Nethsawath's birthday! She turns, um, 22 this year. Let's take a look at a recent photo:



Very nice. How does she get that retro 80's look down so good? And where was she when this photo was taken? And what the hell kind of name is "Nethsawath" anyway?

There are so many quesions, but until now, few answers. She's mysterious, this girl. She has many secrets.

That's where I come in. I'm Django West, your intrepid celebrity reporter. I'm here to find out exactly what this mysterious birthday girl is all about. My recent research has revealed SHOCKING revelations about Jennifer and her secret life.

Exhibit A: Childhood. Rumor has it she was raised by wild poodles on the island nation of Tahiti. My investigation shows the rumor is 100% true! Check out this photo:




It's all true. She quickly grew up to be an evil young woman, as we see in Exhibit B:



Yes. She was a rebellious youth. Here's a portrait of the bad girl as a young punk rocker:



And she had a 1920's flapper phase:



Then came her glamorous Hollywood period. Observe this papparazzi photo from the late 90's:




After she achieved fame, the rumors began. The most persistent rumor is that she has an insatiable sock fetish. I recently uncovered this snapshot from her own collection:



Scandalous! She's also been known to hang around with miscreants while drinking booze and playing pool. Here she is with a couple of ne'er-do-wells:





She's also been romantically linked with that scamp Jude Law! A recent email from Jude has been intercepted by yours truly. It reads, "Hello Jennifer. Jude Law here. You look smashing. I can't wait to see you. We have to play 'Nanny & The Movie Star' again. Happy Birthday, Luv!"






Shocking! There are even songs about her, like this one sung by an unsavory British hippie:

"Jennifer Juniper" by Donovan

Clearly she's a bad girl who keeps bad company. Tsk, tsk. Why is she so popular with the boys? I think it's because she's got a great pair of these:



Oh yeah baby.

It's also been discovered she's a South Bay girl, and she loves the ocean:



Can you tell this reporter has fallen hopelessly in love with his subject?




Happy Birthday, Jennifer!